Client: I had an interesting insight.
Me: What was that?
Client: I was blaming my co-worker for our lateness on a project because of his disorganization. He starts something and then switches to something else; he never finishes one thing before starting another! I ended up yelling at him about his disorganization. He made a smart remark back to me saying, “…and you’re such a great role model!”
Then I realized; I do the same thing! Maybe that’s why he gets on my nerves so much!!
Getting upset at others and blaming them for impacting your world negatively is one of the quickest ways to lose your center. It is also the quickest reflection of your own ineffective behaviors and choices that throw you off center.
One of the key characteristics of emotionally resilient individuals is their ability to remain emotionally centered in the face of life’s inevitable difficulties. This ability to remain centered begins with the ability to recognize when they are losing center and then taking constructive steps to regain that center. The challenge is…how do you do that?
Apply my Straight A formula!
1. Awareness
You cannot direct change towards something you do not perceive. The ability to change anything begins with increased self-awareness. Greater awareness commonly arises when there is some degree of emotional or physical pain.
When the person realized the project would be late, he got upset! This is when the opportunity to realize he was losing center, began.
2. Acceptance
You cannot change what you do not accept. Acceptance is about acknowledging that you are responsible for every aspect of your life, including the pain points, even when you don’t understand how or why.
The act of acceptance overrides the argumentative side of your brain. It shifts the gears in your mind. You move from blame into taking responsibility. You can now ask yourself what can be done to influence the situation in a positive way.
This is when my client realized he had the same behavior pattern as his teammate.
3. Action
New actions are required to get new results. Awareness and acceptance will lead to feeling a little better, but it does not stop there. Old patterns of behavior will return if new and different action steps are not laid out and acted upon.
It is challenging to take action when feeling doubt, discomfort or disillusionment. These feelings indicate you are choosing to operate outside your comfort zone.
In my client’s case, his new homework assignment was to create a schedule for his various projects in order to forecast and manage his time better on projects.
Please note, this currently feels uncomfortable to him, but he is working with this discomfort to grow new levels of awareness and confidence.
4. Achievement
The fuel of motivation comes in the form of recognizing achievements, and it is often overlooked or missed entirely.
Acknowledging achievements changes the chemistry in your brain. Instead of the focus being on limitation, the brain can see success. This releases chemicals that create a positive and proactive internal state of being. You literally become open to new ways of thinking.
One reason this client was able to recognize his own self sabotaging behavior pattern was because we had been working on managing his reactivity to situations he can’t control. Each time he became more aware of his upset, we celebrated this achievement.
At first, he thought this was silly, but soon he was able to see that his anger at his co-worker was really just anger at himself being misdirected onto his teammate. This is another successful insight that we celebrated as he begins repeating the Straight A formula with his new awareness!
When you choose to learn from something that challenges you, you become more emotionally resilient!
Dedicated to raising you consciousness!
